if this is my reality
by mercywestforever
Summary: She failed him, her mentor out of all people. There is no excuse for that no matter what they say. /Japril and Team Trauma (Owen/April-friendship) set in the second future scenario


I have a thing for Team Trauma so the last episode broke my heart. I simply had to fix that and the lack of Japril so you get this. It's set in the second universe after the last scene of it. Have fun reading!

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned. All the rights to them and Grey's Anatomy belong to shondaland and ABC. **

* * *

She wipes all possible tears away when she hears the door of the locker room open and straightens herself. Someone takes a few steps towards her and she knows without looking up that it's him, her husband. She takes a deep breath trying to calm her nerves as he sits down beside her on the bench.

"Hey," he says quietly as he places a comforting hand on the small of her back, "I tried to come as soon as I could but I was stuck in surgery."

"It's okay," she whispers as she takes another deep breath rubbing her hands over her thighs, "I know how important it is for you to stand in the OR as much as possible." Ever since his injury a few years ago and the following rehab operating has become much more important to him.

She nods one, two times rubbing her hands faster over the material of her scrubs as she looks straight ahead at the lockers until he stops them with his own.

"No, it's not," he tells her, his voice calm as he takes her hands in his slowly intertwining their fingers, "I know how hard this must have been for you..."

"You don't!", she cuts him off rather harsh as she stands up and puts some distance between them.

"April," he pleads with her but doesn't get a response. He sighs as he watches how his wife paces in front of him, "Look, you did the right thing but that doesn't mean that it wasn't difficult to let Hunt go, I get that..."

Once again she cuts him off, a bit more angry this time, "You don't get it! You don't understand what it's like! I've listened to you telling me for years that I don't know what it feels like to be in your situation and I realized that that's true because I do not know what it's like when your whole career is jeopardized because of one stupid accident."

Jackson knows better than to interrupt her since he knows she's right. He has never been in a situation like this and he also knows that he did treat her rather harsh after his injury and especially when his recovery didn't go as smooth as anticipated. But April stood by him no matter what he threw at her, always had his back and supported him in every way. Therefore it's only right for him to silently sit on this bench while she gets everything off her chest.

"But don't act as though you know how I feel right now either. You don't unless you need to leave your kids in daycare longer than planned because you have to make sure that everything works in your ER since your best attending just got fired, unless you have been forced to stand in the OR and safe a life that your mentor put into danger in the first place... unless you've just become a traitor," she mumbles that last part as the tears overwhelm her.

Jackson gets up without another word wrapping his strong arms around his shaking wife and swaying with her for a few moments while she lets everything out.

"Ssh," he tries to calm her down, "You are not a traitor."

"Then why does it feel like I am?", she asks him unsure. The look she wears on her face as she tilts her head up breaks his heart. She looks so broken, so lost... so guilty. He needs to do something against that, "I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you in there but you did the right thing. You've said yourself that he has become a threat for his patients. You did the right thing but we both know well enough that the right thing is most of the times not the easiest thing."

She nods slightly convinced before she lets her head fall against his chest again wrapping her arms tighter around his torso.

"I know it's been the right thing but that doesn't make that feeling go away. No matter what happened or will happen he's still my mentor. I owe everything to him and even though I've been his boss for a while now I'm still his soldier, I'll always be. And a soldier doesn't betray his superior," she mumbles against his chest.

He simply runs his hand through her auburn strands not knowing what to say. He never really got that whole soldier thing or his wife's relationship to her mentor. While he has been close to his late mentor right from the start, maybe sometimes even too close for his liking, April and Owen's relationship developed in its own pace and way. But the two of them got o work together for several years now, have seen each other in various states of their lives. They're pretty close and he understands that she feels like letting him down.

"Listen, here's what we're gonna do. I'll take the kids home with me now..."

"But your shift isn't over yet..."

"I'm part of the board for heaven's sake. I can take some time off if I want to. Besides I should start spending more time with them again. And you can stay in the ER tonight and make sure that everything works just fine," he finishes. April takes a few moments to consider his offer but eventually nods against his chest.

"Can we just stay here for a few moments?", she asks him quietly.

"Of course."  
It's silent for a while before she speaks again, "I love you, Jackson. And I'm sorry for snapping at you like this earlier."

"It's okay," he tells but he knows what she really needs to hear right now, "I love you too."

* * *

They are walking down the hallway hand-in-hand when they they hear the loud jumble of voices coming from down the hall. It's not easy to understand anything they say but both of them know from years of hearing who those voices belong to.

And even if they didn't they would have found the moment Hunt spots April and takes determinate strides towards her.

"You!", Owen screams while pointing his finger towards the other redhead. Jackson takes a step forward to shield his wife from the angry man.

"This is all your fault! First you take my job and now you take everything from me!", he shouts as he gets uncomfortably close. April's too terrified to say anything simply standing there motionless while tears stream down her face.

"April has nothing to do with this," Jackson tries to defend his wife but Hunt simply ignores him as he trudges on, "I've been wrong about you all along. You are not a soldier. A soldier would have never betrayed the one man they owe everything to!"

That's how far he gets before Shepherd and Karev are able to get hold of him and drag him away.

* * *

It's about a week later as April stands at the nurse station of the ER when he approaches her. He's completely sober this time, something that hasn't happened in a long time when he clears his throat to gain his attention. She looks up slowly at the sound and is surprised to see him out of all people.

"Owen," she lets out the guilt and the hurt instantaneously coming back.

"Hey. I...uhm," he shifts uncomfortably scratching the back of his neck, "I wanted to apologize."

She sighs relieved at that before she begins to bubble, "Me too. I'm so sorry about what-"

"Don't," he cuts her off, "You did nothing wrong. I practically forced you to say it and you've been right. You can't trust me anymore and I can't trust myself either anymore. I need to get back on rack."  
She smiles slightly, proudly, "I don't want to pressure you or anything but I need you here. I mean Edwards is great but she isn't you."

"I know," he mumbles as he pulls her in for a hug, "You're doing a great job, you know that right. You're a great surgeon, mother and wife. And you run this department better than I ever could and don't even try to fight me on that."  
April lets out a teary laugh at that burying her head in his neck.

"I'm proud of you soldier."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review!**


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